I'm throwing myself a pity party, wanna come?

I did something really stupid for my birthday, which is tomorrow, where I will be turning 28.  I decided to go try on pants at the mall.  Big Mistake.  Mostly because since moving to an office job, my ass has been expanding at an exponential rate.  OK, maybe not that much.  But it used to be a size 00 (or 24 for those of you that use inches), of course that was six years ago.  It has been inching up slowly since then.  

Earlier I stood in a fitting room, the size 2 pants pulling in places they shouldn't.  I sighed, refused to even consider the size 4's and stuffed the pants back on the rack and left quickly. 

Why.  Oh, Why, do I continue to torture myself in this way?  I am aware of several things:

1) I know that the size 2 will be too small.

2) I refuse to accept this and continue to try them on.

3) Thank God, at least I know that they are too small, and refuse to buy them.

4) I do nothing else about this (i.e. exercising and the like)

And why must I do this around my birthday?

I hate my birthday.  Somewhere along the way, I built the birthday up to be something that it is not.  Every year, I think I should have a huge party -- and that someone should throw it for me, and that everyone will show up and be super-excited for me.  That is the thought from January to June.  Around July, my excitement grows, but I think, 'be realistic, there will be no party.'  And once August gets here, I think, 'not long now.'  And then, upon realizing that my husband will no more throw me a party than he will pop out a baby, I accept that nothing will occur and that I just wish it were already August 9th, and that it were over.  So, today, on the 7th, I really, really hate life.  Because tomorrow will come, it will be my birthday, and nobody will give a shit.  And that's fine.  I had held out hope that my co-workers would do something for me.  Another guys birthday was in June, and the whole office came together and had margaritas.  Another guys birthday prompted "after work drinks."  Then I planned a pot luck breakfast for another guy.  The problem is, since August 1, there have already been 4 office birthdays, and you can tell that everyone is birthdayed out.  Which is fine.  I haven't said anything to the guy who's birthday is today.  But then again, they are taking him out for drinks tonight.  I am taking a half day off tomorrow, because I get to MOVE on my birthday.  Yeah.  So, I am sure that tomorrow, I will probably be greeted by the leftover doughnuts from the birthday on the 6th.  Great, something else to make my ass bigger.