"Those Mall Intercepts"
"Totally Mall Inappropriate"
If you've had a conversation with me for longer than 2 minutes [or if you have read my blog for more than a few weeks], you will know that I was a mall rat. For almost the entire course of my college education. So I have seen my fair share of renovations, sales, going out of business sales, and this one very freaky chase scene that involved a throng of young girls and Little Bow Wow (who now apparently just goes by 'Bow Wow.' Much more mature).
But recent trips have begun to reveal things that I just don't think should take place in a mall.
I mean, it's one thing to go into a salon and have your hair done, nails done or even a quick wax. But this? Oh dear, no. It just shouldn't be taking place in public. Period.
It started a few years ago with the 'water massager beds.' Did you see these? Mostly innocent, you still wear your clothes but lay in a bed and have jets of water spray over a plastic covering.
So, you're supposed to be very relaxed, while there are people walking around munching on giant pretzels and discussing the latest shoe trends.
Not what I would call a relaxing atmosphere.
While I thought the massage was bad, then I was greeted with 'Laser teeth whitening!' Can I first just mention how gross I think mouths are? OK. Said it, moving on.
Yes, lets please take care of oral hygiene in the same place where parents bring their kids and all kinds of 'dirty' mall rats gather. And while this is technically a cosmetic procedure, we're still dealing with teeth here people! You can't tell me that anyone willing to whiten teeth in a mall has any kind of real training whatsoever. You can't. I refuse to believe you. *fingers in ears* LA LA LA LA LA!
This is not what our booths look like. But I snagged this photo off someone else's rant about the same thing - mall teeth whitening!
So really, I thought this was it. That dealing with teeth for all the public to see was the icing on the mall cake.
Alas, it is not.
There is a new offender. And I have seen, not one, but two different booths (two different malls) with my own eyes!
It's called 'threading.' Have you heard of it?
No? It's hair removal. YES, now we're yanking out hair in the walkways of the mall. I envisioned a pile of teeny tiny ladies' mustaches laying at the bottom of this lady's feet.
This is what it looks like up close. The process involves twisting the strings and pulling the hair out in what they call a 'painless' process. But I saw it from a bit of a distance. And what I saw, disturbed me greatly. See those strings? It's described as a 'loop,' but I saw four ends. One in the left hand. Two 'juggled' in the right. AND ONE IN THE LADY'S MOUTH.
I'm not judging. I have used my mouth to hold things before. But technically, TECHNICALLY, this lady was using her mouth to remove another lady's mustache.
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MALL.
FOR EVERYONE TO SEE!
MYSELF INCLUDED.To say I could have gone without seeing this is an understatement. There could have at least been a curtain. A shield. Something to protect my eyes and mustache lady's dignity.
Wart removal by the dippin' dots?
Grind down a callous outside of Ann Taylor?
Nose hair trimming outside of Dillards?
Regardless, I think we need to take back the mall walkways. No more intercepts trying to straighten my hair. No more perfume sprayers. And definitely, with out a doubt, no more personal grooming as I try to make my way to the Limited.