Baking with Kelli

Today class, you will follow me in one of my typical baking adventures.  We will be creating a four-tier vintage inspired wedding cake and a beautiful pile of 'cake dippers.' Let's begin.
Since the cake is set to be delivered on Saturday, you want to have everything as fresh as possible. Now some people might claim you are 'waiting until the last minute' but you are not. You simply want to provide a fresh, delicious cake.


Wednesday:
We begin on Wednesday night, dipping the cake for the cake dippers. The bride has requested a white chocolate, rather than a traditional chocolate. Fair enough.

Remove cake dippers from freezer and begin to melt the white candy coats that you have.
When they refuse to melt properly, add a bit of oil.
When that doesn't work, give up and declare you will get almond bark tomorrow.
Put the dippers back in the freezer. Watch a movie.


Thursday:
Take your lunch break and go get the supplies you are missing. Almond bark. Decide to go to Target (because Target rocks so much more than Walmart or a grocery store). Realize that Target apparently doesn't rock in the baking section and buy white chocolate chips since they don't carry almond bark.
That night, pull out the cake dippers, realize that you have to bake all of your cakes. Put the dippers back in the freezer.
Start baking the cakes. All 8 of them. Run out of some of your dry ingredients. Stare at the empty pans in frustration.
Move back to the cake dippers. Get them out of the freezer. Start melting the white chocolate. Notice that it's clumping too. Cuss a bit.
Cross your arms and stomp your foot as you tell your husband you have to to go the grocery store.
Get almond bark. Buy an extra package because you always estimate things wrong. Get dry cake ingredients. Get extra because you always estimate wrong. Note that you have already made two previous trips to the grocery store to 'get everything you need for this cake.'
Smirk.
Get back home, start baking the rest of the cakes.
Use up all of the egg whites that you bought and move to regular eggs. Stand there thinking if you have any recipe that calls for just egg yolks. Decide that you don't and throw the egg yolks away.
Remember that you left the cake dippers out of the freezer and now they're falling apart. Put them in the freezer and grab the other container.
Melt the almond bark. Dip the cake dippers.

Realize that you don't have time to make the icing.
Pass out.


Friday:
After work, rush home to finish the cake. Think that the cakes aren't due until 2 p.m., talk to the bride's mother and realize she wants them there before 11.
Work faster.
Make icing.
Remember that the bride requested a lemon filling. Pull out the lemon pudding mix that you purchased (it's totally the same thing). Notice that you did not buy the 'mix with milk and you're done version.' Notice that this version requires cooking, and sugar and EGG YOLKS.
Curse as you remember throwing away 8 egg yolks the day before. Look in fridge and see that there are only 2 eggs left.
Be glad that after 6 years of this your husband doesn't say anything as you go back to the grocery store.
Stay up until 11 decorating the cakes. Realize that the cute royal icing flowers you made on Tuesday were not enough to finish the design you have created.

Curse that you put some on the cake dippers. Try to peel a few off in vain. Give up.
Try to make new flowers with the left over royal icing.
Note that you know that royal needs to be re-whipped before using it after too many days. Ignore this fact and pipe puddle flowers, convincing yourself they 'will be fine' in the morning.
Know immediately they will not.
Start moving the flowers around to create some kind of intentional design or pattern.
Consider claiming that the missing flowers represent the hole that the other person will fill.
Decide that's entirely too much BS. Pipe roses in buttercream on the corners and go to bed.

Saturday:
The big day! Wake up entirely too early because your stomach is in knots because you have to drive this cake anywhere.
Manage to cram a four-tier cake into the trunk of your altima. Note that you've done it before. Still feel like puking.
Drive to location. Miss the exit because you don't know where you're going. Turn around.
Find location eventually. Get out and check trunk before anyone from the party arrives to see the potential carnage in the trunk.
Note that only two roses jumped off.
Heave a heavy sigh of relief.
Walk inside, set up cake. Have your husband point out that it's about to fall over.
Realize that you forgot to put supports in it. Take it apart. Put in supports.
Sigh of relief X2.

Go home. Stare at the disaster that is the kitchen. Declare you are 'taking a shower.' Pray that hubs will clean the kitchen (because he usually does).
Realize 2 hours later that in one week you have to produce an 'ARMY dragon' for your 7 year-old nephew.
Go to the grocery store.