Sometimes life is full of challenges.
Sometimes I launch head-long into them, determined to win.
Sometimes I tackle them half-heartedly, hoping to just be done with it all.
And sometimes I crawl under a blanket and hide from everything and everyone.
Actually, who am I kidding? I never do that. I am fully, 100 percent incapable of not caring. And not giving everything I am and have into something. Whether it be work. My life. My friends. My family.
And it makes me tired. Mentally, physically, emotionally, you name it.
I feel like I'm spinning plates. Running back and forth. Back and forth. Narrowly catching one right before it drops.
My days are currently a battle between what I want to do, need to do and have to do. I didn't ask for this responsibility. And yet, here it is.
I wish I were writing about something more pleasant, but I'm not. These are things on my mind and I feel the need to get them out.
Sometimes in life you get the things you want.
Other times, you get the things you need.
I'm struggling with that right now.
People say that 'things happen for a reason.' And, I think this is said because something that you didn't want to happen has happened and you're simply looking for that silver lining that you pray is there.
I don't like this thinking because it immediately puts me in a position of not being able to do anything. It's saying that I have no control over my life. And, I do.
Anyway, I'm frustrated. I'm struggling. I'm rambling. I've added to this post no less than four times. Saved it as a draft and then come back.
This isn't compelling writing, I am fully aware, but there are thoughts clogging my brain and I have to get them out and move on.
I'm thinking about writing another book. Yes, another. And, no, I did not finish the first one (technically that one was the third one, making this the fourth. Whatever). I need a kick in the pants. I need a sabbatical. Neither of which I am getting at the moment. So, instead, I blog. I write a steady stream of consciousness. (my apologies if you're still reading this)
Sometimes I try to write something really profound.
And sometimes I just want to get it out and move on.
Hugs to you. Keep your chin up.
ReplyDeleteYou know, you bring up a really good point in this post. Sometimes things DON'T happen for a reason. Sometimes things just happen. I personally hate the concept of karma. Because if karma was real, good things wouldn't happen to bad people. And, let's face it, good things happen to bad people all the time.
I think sometimes this is why a blog is useful. I know a lot of people think blogging is narcissistic but I think it is more cathartic than anything.
ReplyDeleteAnd go for the fourth. Sometimes the story isn't just right and I know I've changed the direction and content of my "same" story about oh three times now.
Perfect. I struggle with the same things, and even am right now. I just sit there, overwhelmed, and...I am not sure. I think you put the idea into words here!
ReplyDeleteThe last few weeks I've felt a lot like the emotions you convey in this post.
ReplyDeleteFor me it seemed like one feather touched a domino, and this whirlwind cascade of events started that I couldn't keep up with.
It stinks. I wish I had the answer, but I'd be enjoying it by now!
I'm not going to go all Pollyanna on you-but I will say: Take time to breathe. Get a massage or a starbucks or some treat. We all end up in the trenches. It stinks, but at least there's understanding people around us.