Sometimes being an adult means putting things you want to do on a back burner. It means that things you have to do take priority over things you need to do.
For example, on any given Saturday the breakdown might go:
Need to do laundry.
Have to cook lunch.
Want to go shopping.
You could easily argue that need and have are easily interchangeable. And that's entirely possible. But for my purposes, need means I should but could get away without, while have must be done.
Lately my life has been filled with need and have. I try to interject want when I can, but it's been unsatisfactory at best.
Much of what I've done with Kacie has fallen firmly into the need category. Although she should have been filed in have, other things seemed to take priority. I needed to find her a place. I needed to get her an apartment. And finally, I have.
Today, Kacie started at Friendship Community Care in Bryant. We visited last Wednesday when I put 400 cookies on pause to take her. (followed by a 4 hour cardiologist appointment)
She's excited to say the least.
And I get my spare bedroom back. (I think you all know how I feel about that.)
But after three years with my MIL living with us, followed by five months of solitude, followed by three months of Kacie, Brad and I are more than ready to have the house back to ourselves. (and the dogs, of course).
I have to say that having Kacie wasn't that bad. She tries to be helpful, she does much for herself. But, Brad and I chosen not to have kids for a reason.
All of this has made me think about need, want, have.
And looking forward, 2011 will be about want.
What I want to do.
Where I want to go.
When I want.
Brad has always gotten on to me because of conversations like this:
Brad: "Let's go out to eat. Where do you want to go?"
Me: "Anywhere is good."
Brad: "But what do you want?"
Brad: "Pick a place or I will murder you!"
(OK, fine he doesn't threaten to murder me. Most of the time) But he hates my indecisiveness.
Not anymore. I've found my voice and I'm going to use it. (warning, it could get obnoxious)
So next year, I see a year full of want. A year of planning a vacation with new friends. A year of dreaming about the next house. A year of understanding this new way of eating and bonding with a friend who has the same problem. A year of trying to write my book.
A year of doing what I want to do.
No matter what needs or has to be done.
And I'm OK with the consequences of ignoring need and have.
Because I'm living with the consequences of ignoring want right now.
And I don't like it.