Notes for the car salesman

I recently had the opportunity to look at vehicles. I was getting an oil change on the Sweet Lovemobile and Brad has been on me about getting a bigger vehicle. I'm hesitant because honestly, I don't really like change. I like things the way they are. I like my funny little car.
But I do not like that I can't fit everything for two weddings in the car at once and have to make two trips even if the weddings are blocks from each other and the delivery windows are super close.
So I looked at cars while I waited.
What follows is a list of tips and tricks for car salespeople. I say "people" because this particular salesperson was a female. And while she didn't ask the condescending question of "Will your daddy be helping you?" like one guy asked when I was younger, she did have a few choice gems that hit me wrong. So, car people (or sales people in general) do not, under any circumstances let any of this slip past your lips, lest you want me to walk away right then.

1. Do not insult my current car. Or my choice of current car. I liked it at one point and the reason I'm looking to replace it might not be that I dislike it. Car purchases are not taken lightly, I spent a great deal of time debating this choice, so don't bash my logic by assuming it was a wrong decision.

2. Do not rush to assume that I'm looking to start a family. That just makes me question my choice of outfit for the day. And when I tell you, 'no, I don't want any kids.' don't look at me slack-jawed wondering what other purpose I might serve that is higher than procreating.

3. There are certain things that ladies do not talk about, namely: age, weight and credit score. During a car purchase, two of these will obviously come up. And as much as I don't like being asked how I keep my weight down, I don't like being asking how I keep my credit score up. And if, God forbid, my credit score is higher than yours, don't look at me in utter disbelief. It's just not polite.

4. If against my better judgement I leave you a means to communicate with me, say a phone number or an email address, you must resort to the rules of dating- don't use it for at least three days. And, if you break this cardinal rule, do not attempt to text me photos then keep texting me to ask if I have gotten said photos, and if I haven't, do not express your frustration with technology to me. Just leave me alone. And IF, I tell you that this is too much contact and I'm 'just not that interested' also revert to the rules of dating and politely leave me alone. Do not get butt hurt and tell me that 'you're just being helpful' and that 'most people like this.' It makes you sound needy. And I get it, you're a car salesperson, you are.

5. And last but not least, please assume that I have a brain and can (and do) use it. You know what a shitty offer looks like. When you present it to me, do not be surprised when I'm offended. Do not ask with big doe eyes, 'what of this don't you like?' "Tell me so I can take it back and fix it." No, you know that the sticker price is entirely too high, that the trade value you have assigned is laughable and that the interest rate could easily be several points lower.

Please, dear vehicle sales people, take these notes, fold them up and put them in your pocket. If someone comes in with a budget, stick to it. Don't round the amount up an extra $30 then still come back with a payment $100 a month over that nonsense. All that tells me is that you don't listen. And then I simply don't respect you.

I will say that after all my anger and frustration, Brad laughed and said, that's just how car people are. And yes, they are, but maybe they shouldn't be. Maybe the experience should be something all-together different.