A friend in need...

The Friday before a three day weekend is always a difficult one.  The smart people all took it off weeks ago, leave the losers like myself to hold down the fort.  Unfortunately, there is currently very little work for me to do, so, like the rebel that I am, I strolled in at a leisurely 8:06.  Ate my breakfast at my desk, and then greedily devoured all the blogs I frequent in one foul swoop.  So, as it is now 8:27, and I officially have nothing to do for the day.  I will sit and ponder.  During my lightning fast web crawl this morning, I zipped by my MySpace page, which hasn't had much activity since my birthday earlier this month.  And I noticed a friend of mine had her status update as "used" and claimed that she "can't believe that she thought they were telling the truth, why did I fall for this again?"  Hmm, so as it is in my nature to be both comforting and nosy, I send her a message, checking on her.  Because really, all this is is a cyber cry for help.  So, I answer the cry.  Despite the fact that this very girl is someone who has made me question myself the exact same way in the past.  

I will try not to stray too far, but as a child of the '90's, I grew up on strange toys, like POGS.  I had almost all of the Simpson pogs.  And I never forget one of the characters that I had.  I girl with purple hair, and she was described as "Lisa's Fair-weather Friend."  And that is what this girl is to me.  I love her to death, she's great, but she's also pretty flaky.  Like the year that I found a book by our favorite author that had been autographed.  I bought it on E-bay, using the "buy it now" option -- I wasn't going to let anyone get that from me.  So, a week before Christmas, I tracked my friend down on her lunch break (we both worked in the mall, I wasn't a complete loser stalker) and gave her the gift.  She literally screamed so loud that the entire food court looked over at us.  She was elated.  I was happy that I could give a gift that could bring so much joy.  She later declared her gift for me "unworthy" and claimed she would have to go back to the drawing board.  To which, she eventually decided that nothing could rival my gift, therefore she would give me nothing.  Ouch.  

I should have seen something like that coming.  And it's not about the gift.  It's about having a girl my age, who knows me so well that she gets me the most kick-ass insightful gift ever.  It never happened.  And again, I should never have been surprised.  A few years before, I threw her a surprise party at my apartment.  I baked her a cake, invited all her friends I could find (even ones I didn't really know) and then bought her a cool gift.  That same year, not a month later, when my birthday came around, she didn't call.  I called her, in my depression of turning 25 (yeah, I know) and feeling alone, and upon finally reminding her of what day it was as I burst into tears, she begrudgingly invited me to lunch.

Which makes me wonder, I am really such a loser?  Or is she just the worlds worst friend?  Or do I have some misplaced beliefs about what a friendship with a girl is supposed to be about?  Or is it like when you are in a relationship and one person loves the other more?  Maybe where I fall on her rank of friends is much, much lower than where I have placed her.  And maybe she doesn't realize.  

I have come to grips with this, and am fine.  I have plenty of other friends.  But, she is one of the oldest friends.  Only one of two that precede my husband.  So, I understand that we have been reduced to acquaintances that occasionally send each other messages over the internet.  Passing friends, that just happen to know an awful lot about each other.