Brutal Honesty

Yesterday I was talking to myself [yes, I know this sounds kind of odd]- actually, it was more of a thought conversation.  [that doesn't sound any better!] 

Anyway, I was thinking about hidden talents.  I have always wanted to sing.  But, I suck.  Absolutely awful.  Like, if I accidentally hear myself, I turn up the radio louder.  While thinking that, I {to myself} said, "I always wished I was a good singer, but I know that I'm not."  Except, in my head, I said "writer," as in "I always wished i was a good writer, but I know that I'm not."

Which made me stop.  Talk about a Freudian slip!  I mean, tell me what you're really thinking!  Of course, I have always tried to keep everything in check.  I never wanted to be that person who thought they were God's gift to anything.  I always pulled it back.  Yes, I thought I was good at 'X,' but, I never wanted to assume I was the best.  And somewhere along the way, I found myself doubting myself.  

See, my mom always had problems with people.  She lost friends (and it was always their fault), she had problems at work (and it was always their fault) and well, I'm not even going to touch on her string of husbands (yes, plural, and well, let me put it this way, this marriage better work, cause she can only try one more time in the state we live it!)  But it was NEVER her fault.  Two out of 3 of her children wont speak to her, and she refuses to take any blame for that either.

Because of her over-the-top attitude of superiority, I tend to immediately assume that, 'it is me.' or that I'm probably not good enough.  Out of a fear of becoming her.  Which, I know is a far off fear, but it's still there.  Lurking.

So, anyway, long -LONG- story short, tomorrow I will post what should be the first chapter of my book.  The working title is "Falling Backward." 

It is a fiction book, based on some portions of my life.  It opens on present day and each chapter flips between present and the past.  Each chapter from the past highlights a critical point in the mother/daughter relationship.  

I am in no way fishing for compliments.  I don't want fluffy, "Soo good" (with more 'o's than necessary) or anything like that.  I want to know if:

-You want to continue reading.

-If you think it's too short for a first chapter.

-If I reveal the problem too soon.

-If you don't like it, tell me why.  What should I change?