The bees.

When I started this blog, in December of 2007, I wasn't sure what it was or what it would become. I even blogged under a fake name and gave fake names to everyone around me. Cryptic codes and silly fakeness, just because I was trying to protect myself and those around me. 
It started as a diary. Just a place to sort out my thoughts. I find that the more I talk about something the more I work through the problem until finally, I'm OK with it. Plus, I like hearing other's opinions. And the more I wrote, I began to find people who related and people who commented and helped me work through those problems. 
So finally one day, I opened up and told the truth, I wanted more out of my blog. I wanted it to be a place I could share the real me. The stuff that would be glaringly obvious about myself to the people who knew me and read my blog (And yes, there were a few). So, I posted my real picture and real name. 
And completely 'owned' my blog. And I liked it. That step in itself was cathartic. 
But, I still wanted to talk about the things that were bothering me. Whether that be my family, things from my past or even work. 
But once you open that door, it's really difficult to close it. Impossible actually. 
And what happens when someone you don't expect walks through that open door? 
It can lead to hurt feelings on all sides. 
The object of the posts feels as if they are being 'bad mouthed' to the public. While the blogger feels as if their privacy has been invaded. Except, it's not really 'private,' is it? It's out there for all the world to read. Everyone, except, you know, that one person. 
How do you have walls for some people and none for others? Why is it OK for me to bare my soul for complete strangers from other states, but not be able to talk to the person I am writing about? 
And why am I so upset that this person tracked me down on the internet and found my virtual self then got upset with what they found? They went looking for the proverbial bee's nest then cried when they got stung. 
What were you expecting? 
What was I expecting? 

I feel a bit odd right now, writing this post to two completely different audiences. If I were my client, I would say to myself that you should do two ads, you can't adequately address both issues in one spot. Well, I'm not constrained by time limits, space or a creative brief, simply the attention span of you, the reader. So I will continue to ramble, and say, if you read something and don't feel it applies to you, then it probably doesn't. 

I know a few of you have had internet/family/friend/drama problems in the past. From sisters demanding posts be removed to overly-attentive family members posting their 2 cents on every single status update! And I want to know, how do you deal with it? How do you draw the line? Also, have you ever read something about yourself that upset you, how did you deal? 

A blog can be a very cathartic thing. I place to think things out, to hear what others have to say, and to find that one (or 5 other people) out there that totally get the way you think. And I love it. I'm not giving it up. And as the major source of my problems has changed, I don't plan on having to address this in the future. But if you find yourself here, reading something that upsets you, just know that my writing comes from a place that wants to heal and grow and nurture, not tear down and cause hurt feelings. But, if you find yourself stung, maybe you should learn and just keep away from the bees. 


  1. Well, you already know what I did... took the easier way out and asked David to deal with it since it was his family involved in the drama. But, there is no truly "easy" way out when it comes to family or close friend matters of any kind. I think you're doing the best you can... stating that your writing is your own personal therapy and if other people are offended by it, don't visit your blog anymore.

  2. Remember the post that I wrote a while ago about fashion and image? And I started that post with mocking an old acquaintence of mine who had a license plate that said N2IMAGE? Yeah...apparently she does Google searches for "N2IMAGE" and found me. And read about me making fun of her lipstick. And grossly exaggerating how often she pushed Beauty Control products on her friends.

    There are people in my life who drive me crazy, and I'd like to talk about them (or outright mock them) on my blog. But when it comes to the internet, you really just have to pick your battles. Some things you'll want to say, and you'll want to stand by even if it stings someone's ego. Other things just aren't important enough for a potential fight. It's all a balancing act, I guess.

    When I've seen things that have hurt my feelings on other people's blogs, I usually just try to avoid those blogs in the future. Your advice to "avoid the bees" is spot on.

  3. It's a tough balance. I haven't really had any drama with people in real life but then I'm always aware of who knows about my blog...so I try to check myself a little from time to time.

    And then there are instances where I kept something MAJOR from the blog because I didn't know for sure who was reading and I thought it could impact my job. It's like I have a laundry list in my head about what I can or cannot discuss but generally it is: don't talk about place of work and don't talk about anything where the comments couldn't be an appropriate forum for further discussion. Meaning, if I'm ticked at my husband, I generally don't blog it unless we've already resolved the issue because it feels unfair for me to talk to the internet before him. So if someone was reading my blog, they might think "she never fights with her husband" which is not true; it's just one of the things I tend not to talk about. I think everyone makes up the rules for themselves as they go along. It's hard sometimes and I'm actually quite certain I have offended people in real life but they haven't said anything, just stopped reading, which is totally fine. I think it's true what you said, if you go looking...and you find what you were looking for, it's kind of on you.

  4. OMG, sorry for the post hijacking.

  5. Well said Kelli. There have been times, many actually, that I have hid how I felt about what was going on in my "real life" because of what might happen if people found my blog and read it. That is not being true to myself or anyone else. Yes, it may cause hurt feelings, but I guess that is a chance we take.

  6. Wish I had some unbelievably wise thing to say - but I don't. It's certainly always at the back of my mind, that balance between honesty and knowing that the people you are writing about are all around you.

    I do tend to think - those memoirs that I really love for their unflinching honesty, say Mary Karr and Anne Lamott, are often written years after the experiences have taken place. Even after people have died (that might be hurt). Not the case with us who blog...

    It's also funny to me - in real life and in blogging - that even as careful as I try to be, the things that bother people are often ones I never saw coming, never even brushed my radar.

    So, um, good luck with all that.