I feel like I'm having a crisis of self. It's a small one, mind you, but a crisis none the less.
All my life I've strongly felt that the only person I could rely on was me.
Not my friends. Not my dad. Not my sisters. And surely not my mother. It was just me. For as long as I can remember.
My family and a few friends have served as road blocks. They were the things keeping me from doing what I wanted, what I truly needed to be doing.
And yet now, I feel that the only person in my way is me.
Something happened and I looked up to see the roadblocks were just facades. Thrown in my way time and time again.
I am my own worst enemy.
I am my worst critic. Overly harsh about my abilities. My looks. My life.
The saddest part is that I am suddenly acutely aware that I am what is keeping me from success. Not circumstances. Not other people. Not 'if I could just...' But me.
And that is a scary, scary fact.
So no more excuses. No more dragging my feet. No more blaming. And definitely no more road blocks.
I have an obnoxious drive to be successful and I'm going to stop getting in my own way. I welcome back my over-planning. With open arms I embrace late nights, early mornings and pushing myself when I feel like stopping.
I've done this before. I can do it again.