So the bakery has been open for six weeks. Six whole weeks. That's about 410 hours of my life spent up there. Thirty-four days straight. Does that make sense? Probably not. I like to play with numbers. Except I kind of hate math. Mostly.
Mostly because I stared at the well-rested cashier like she was bat-shit crazy when she told me the deposit was wrong. In the end, I was wrong. Surprised? That the sleep-deprived new business owner can't count twenties? I shouldn't be, but I was. And like a kid having a semi-complex idea explained to them, I nodded as she counted the money for me and was very much correct. Not that I doubted her, just that I refuse to be wrong.
Moving on.
I've been thinking about reviving Kelli Hates. Part of me wants to bring it back as it was, except now it would be in the vein of the bakery- in being a business owner. The problem with that is I wrote it very tongue-in-cheek. And as a business owner, I don't think it would be good to make fun of my customers, even if it's in a joking way. Like "Oh my gosh, she's turning 16 tomorrow and you forgot to get a cake? HOW many years have you had to plan this party? Sixteen years, right? OK, then no excuses. No, I can't get you a cake tomorrow." Knowing that, yes, life completely sneaks up on you and you mean to do things and forget. That's pretty much the story of my life right now. So I don't know. A while back, it was suggested that I change it to Kelli Bakes and I just upload photos of my cakes and such. But really, I post all of that on instagram. So I don't know.
If, say I did want to rant about something, it would be the coffee.
Can I talk about coffee?
COFFEE!
I'm a huge fan of coffee. OK, I lie, I'm a huge fan of Starbucks White Mochas. But I knew I should have some coffee available for customers. So I bought (not one, but two) huge coffee makers/warmers ($50 EACH). And I bought a coffee bean grinder (ANOTHER $50. Then I bought bulk sugar, splenda, equal, creamer, and cups (Probably another $60).
I then go to Guierrmos and buy 2 pounds of beans. ($30)
Day 1 being open, I brew 20 cups of coffee in just one of the pots (it's the smallest amount you can brew) and nobody bought any coffee. I used a few cups to make chocolate cake.
Day 2 I brew another 20 cups of coffee. Nobody buys any coffee.
Repeat days 3-6.
Day 7 open. I make no coffee. Two people ask me if I will have coffee.
My eye starts twitching.
Day 8. No coffee. Two more people ask about it.
Day 9. I go to Sams and buy a smaller coffee pot and brew 8 cups then pour it into the bigger warmer. Nobody buys coffee.
Days 10-12 repeat.
Day 13- I sell one cup of coffee for $2.
Day 14. I quit.
Day 15. Am told I should buy some kind of 'single cup' system.
Days 16-20 Hear the same thing repeated numerous times.
Day 21 go to Sams and buy a Kureg. ($129)
Day 22 I sell a cup of coffee for $2.
Fast forward to day 37, someone asks me if I have hot cocoa.
headcake (It's like headdesk, but I put my head into a cake.)
So far, I have spent about $360 making coffee available to my customers. I have officially sold $6 worth of coffee (and given away two additional cups for whatever reason). So, you know, I only need to sell 180 more cups of coffee to BREAK EVEN.
Then someone suggested I have fresh squeezed lemonade available.
headcake.
