Lately, life has been filled with noise. A static that hums in the background ignorable most of the time, obnoxious in others.
Two weeks ago, we bought a cooler for the bakery. I love it because we can now carry drinks and I can keep chilled desserts out front. It also gives me a large space to store wedding cakes assembled when I need. Unfortunately, I've noticed that it emits a hum. When I'm alone in the bakery, I jerk my head up, convinced that someone is out front wanting my attention. But no, it is the cooler. I go back to what I'm doing.
Right now, my life is like that cooler. I have static in my head. Words, phrases, songs, thoughts run in and out of my brain. I worry. I worry about life. The bakery. Family. Friends.
Sometimes I can ignore it all. And sometimes it all sits in the pit of my stomach like a dinner of stone soup.
Writing has long been a therapy for me. From my sad little pink paged Lisa Frank diary I got when I was seven to this blog now. Unfortunately, I'm rusty. The words don't come as quickly. Where once my fingers flew over the keys, now they stumble, transposing letters and stop my flow. Of course, it doesn't really matter at the moment because I can't bring myself to talk about what I want to talk about. Some of it is just not my place. Not my battle, and yet it tugs at my heart so. Other things, I'm just not ready to say out loud or see them written. I feel it will make it all the more real, and I'm just not ready for that.