I'm tired of fifty hour work weeks being considered "light."
I'm tired of showing up to events late because I was working and leaving early because I'm exhausted.
I'm tired of not being able to go out at all.
I'm tired of only wearing T-shirts and jeans with icing on them.
I'm tired of Friday nights being completely off limits for anything not pertaining to cake.
And I'm tired of Saturday being dominated by wedding deliveries.
I'm tired of being off on Monday only to have my phone ring from people mad that they didn't know I was closed.
I'm tired of standing in line at SAMs.
I'm tired of spending every penny we make.
And I'm tired of not knowing what my future holds. Employees? No employees?
I hate that I fought so hard to build something that didn't center around me in a marketing aspect that I've confused the general public into believing that there's more behind the curtain than just me.
I hate that I've worked so hard to build something that my husband completely loathes.
I hate that I'm beginning to hate it.
At one point I wondered if I would eventually hate decorating. I don't, but I don't exactly enjoy it either.
I don't see the finished cake, I just see the flaws. And the potential for someone to be dissatisfied.
I spend my Sundays enduring stress-induced migraines from wedding deliveries.
I hate guessing what the tastes of customers will be any given weeks. I have die hard fans of my cupcakes, cookies and French macarons, but not all at the same time. We have 'cookie weeks' where the cupcakes go untouched and we bake hundreds of cookies. I can have a dish of caramel sit there for a week before I throw it out and the next week I'll have several angry old ladies mad that I didn't make any caramel this week. More often than not, I can't win for losing.
I hate that I'm the worst boss I've ever had, and I've worked for some mysoginistic assholes.
I hate that I already feel like a failure. But I know that I can't go on like this for much longer. So I guess this is my official notice that as of January 2015, things will be different. Very different. At this moment, I don't know what that will look like. Me baking at home? Me baking at a local restaurant that will take me? Me running a commissary-type facility for other small food businesses that don't have a place to call home? Who knows. I guess I have the next 9 or so months to figure that out.
I guess it's just going to be another chapter in my book.
Didi I ever tell you about the time I was the Vice President of a company that was featured on HGTV? Maybe I will, one day. And maybe this, this chapter of owning a bakery will just become one of those funny stories I reference at parties.