Whelmed

Not overwhelmed or underwhelmed.  Just whelmed.  The feeling of being at the cusp of being overwhelmed.  On the very outskirts of it.  Aware that it is on the horizon, and that simple fact makes it almost impossible to breathe.  

Or at least, that's how I see it.

I believe that I can juggle many things.  That I am capable of handling more than the average person can.  And yet, the moment I feel that I have even the tiniest bit more than I can handle, I collapse.  The plates come crashing down around me.  And I end up in a ball, inevitably crying.  

Today, the two tiny things pushing me over the edge are small, and fixing them could be easy, but I am a people-pleaser.  I can't stand to let anyone down.  So, I have yet to get up the courage to tell the girl I am car pooling with that I can't do it any more.  Before I sold my house, we lived about 4-5 miles away from each other.  It took about 7 minutes to get to her house.  Very simple.  But then we have to drop off her baby.  And then go to work.  Not a big deal.  But since moving to my MIL's house, it takes about 20 minutes, and we still have to drop off her baby, so I leave my house at 7 a.m. and don't arrive at my job until almost 8.  I only live 15 miles away from work.  I keep doing the math, and it doesn't add up.  And getting home is the same process, but backwards.  We leave promptly at 5, but I don't pull into my driveway until after 6.  And that alone makes me tired.  Then I cook and we aren't eating until almost an hour after our usual time.  I don't want to do it anymore.  So, that's problem #1.

Problem #2.  I met a guy at Starbucks and we ended up agreeing that I would do some work for him.  He sent me his documents, and I am supposed to re-write them and condense them.  Fine.  But he keeps calling me.  And emailing me.  And calling me to check to see if I got his email.  *sigh* I can't stand it.  To the point, that I don't want to do his work for him.  I haven't started because when I look at his documents, I want to throw my laptop.  And, I probably shouldn't do that.  I have to get these two projects done for him and then I have to tell him I can't do it anymore.  Luckily, I have the "house" excuse to fall back on.  Everyone can understand that, right?  I mean, I'm building a house.  (Except that I haven't started and all, but you get it, right?)  Now, all that is left is to cut these cords and not feel guilty.  

I make no promises.