The stop sign

Usually I like to have a general theme for my post, some random thought for it to centralize around.  Usually it's whatever is irritating me at the moment.  But what's irritating me right now, is well, me.

Random story.

Once, I wrecked my car.  I was CONVINCED it was not my fault.  Back when our service roads went two ways, I was trying to make a left turn onto one.  I had sat there patiently until I got fed up with the noise my blinker made and turned it off.  Finally, I see a car coming towards me with it's right turn blinker on.  The one behind it did as well.  I thought it would be a perfect chance to shoot across their lane into my empty one.  Except, the third car decided to pass both of the turning cars.  Coming across double yellow lines, still going the speed she was on the interstate (and I would later learn she had no insurance).  She ripped the front of my tiny Honda off so fast.  

When the cops arrived to determine what had happened, I really didn't speak up for myself because I thought it was obvious.  Looking at where my car was (front half in the 'Im going this direction' lane, back end in the 'coming towards me' lane) my bumper in the ditch along with the car that smashed into me.  I mean, obviously she was in MY lane.  And technically since she didn't have insurance, she wasn't even supposed to be on the road.  Yet, there was this tiny little thing called a stop sign that made it all my fault.  Despite the fact that I had stopped.  For a while.

Because I had spent so much time focused on the idea that it was obvious that it was not my fault, I assumed that everyone else knew that as well.  Wrong.  I didn't get a ticket (but neither did the uninsured tattooed lady who hit me) but my insurance did have to pay to put her POS back together.

My point?  Well, it's kind of a stretch.  But follow me if you will.

I tend to be a shy person.  I know this, and I use it as a crutch.  

I can't go over and talk to those people, I'm shy.  

I don't know what to say to them, they all work together and talk about hospital stuff.

I've never met her.  What would we talk about?

Every time I'm around so-and-so, s/he never says anything to me.

I could continue.  But the problem is, I am so focused on the idea of my own shyness that I ignore everything else.  

Return to situation on New Year's Eve.  The question was posed whether or not I said hi to one of the people there.  No, I hadn't, I'm shy.  And BOOM, there it was.  The stop sign.  Me, being the same.  I am one of the girls I am scared of.  But I had spent so much time focusing on the idea that I'm shy (therefore not my fault and I don't have to engage conversation) that I overlooked the option of someone else being the same or similar.  

And all this time, I thought I was really good at giving people the benefit of the doubt.