And as I stared at it, I was over come by this wave of 'oh my gosh, how does one even go about building a house?' I was completely overwhelmed by the thought of it all. 'How do you start? How do you pick property, design a house, and get everything done?' It was all so dizzying. And it only lasted for a split second, because I realized that I had already done all of that. The difficult part was behind us.
A few days ago, while at work talking to a coworker, I had a similar feeling. But instead of the house, it was about my life. And the sudden overwhelming feeling that I was not doing what I wanted. That my life had meandered so far off the planned path that I may never find my way back.
I love my husband, but he is a TV nut. That's all he wants to do, watch TV. Which is fine, I totally love some Chuck, CSI Miami, My Boys, How I Met Your Mother, Rules of Engagement, The Big Bang Theory, yeah, there are several. But, sometimes I feel as if that's all we do.
By this point in my life (where 30 is on the horizon) I expected that I would have done so much more. Experienced more. Enjoyed more. Done more. Had more.
Don't get me wrong, we just did something that many people dream of but never accomplish. But I want to visit foreign countries, and I don't even have a passport.
I guess that from the small town girl I was raised as, the future me is still a pretty amazing feat, but I want more. I guess now I just have to figure out how to have it.