What's left of my family

A week or so ago, I started a post about my sister, Kacie.  She is a unique soul who lives in her own little world.  I talked about all of the health problems that have made her what she is.  She is coming to visit this Christmas.  And, I'm pretty excited.  She's a hoot.  And I haven't seen her in three years.

Right after I decided to turn my life upside down.  I up and quit my retail job and searched for that perfect job in advertising.  Kacie came to visit that Christmas.
Let me back up (and I will try to keep it as short as possible), Kacie lived with our mom until her junior year in high school.  I felt there would be more opportunities for her in Atlanta with her dad.  She spent the summer there visiting, seeing if she liked living there with her dad.  During that time, her grandmother fell ill, her dad wanted all of us kids to come see her.
So, here we all are, in Georgia, saying goodbye to our grandmother.  One night, we stay up late, drinking and talking.  Myself, my two younger sisters and our dad.  We ask questions about the divorce.  It had been probably thirteen years ago, but we had a few questions.  I knew what mom said, I knew what I remembered, but we never got to hear his side.  I'm an adult, I know that the truth lies somewhere in the middle.  We were curious.  Kacie, being who she is, likes to stir up trouble.  Not because she's a trouble maker, but because she doesn't fully understand.  In a phone call to an aunt (on mom's side) she claimed we were 'up all night bashing mom.'  Which was not really the truth.  It might have been in her eyes, but there was much more going on.
Before my plane landed in Arkansas, my phone was ringing off the hook.  My mother was pissed to say the least.  I had to remind her that Kacie has an IQ that hovers around 60.  Things are different in her world.  My mother didn't care.  And days before Kacie was to return to Arkansas and start her senior year of school, my mom declared she was no longer welcome in the home.
And she wasn't exactly pleased with me either.
So, Kacie moved to Georgia.  And by moved, I mean, she didn't come home.  Just like that.  My mom packed her stuff, gave it to my aunt, who gave it to me, where I in turn gave to my dad.
And I didn't see Kacie again until she came to visit 3 years ago.  My dad really wanted her to come back and visit for Christmas, but seeing that I worked retail, it just wasn't going to work.  I couldn't spend any time with her if I was working 6 days a week, some for 12 hour shifts.
Until I quit.  So her impromptu visit became.  And it was for 3 weeks.  Which surprised me.  It was a bit longer than I had expected.  I called mom and asked if Kacie could stay with her a few days.  She freaked.  Declaring that this was all some 'master-mind plan' to force Kacie back on to her.
That lady is a big bag o' crazy.
So I said never mind and she stayed with me.
On Christmas day, I was still irritated with my mom.  I mean, it's her daughter.  What the heck is wrong with this lady?
My mom decided she didn't want to exchange gifts with everyone else at my grandmothers, she wanted us to pack everything up and take it to her house, despite us all being right there, right then.
I was tired of her nonsense. (There's so much more, but I assume that you're probably bored by this much already)  So I said I wasn't going to her house.
Kacie, unaware of the fact that my war was over her, comes over and says, 'Mom said that she would give my gifts to Nikki [other sister], but wouldn't give her your gifts.'
Ugh. First of all, my mom is the queen of useless gifts and yard-sale treasures.  And I use the word 'treasures' loosely.  She buys used books by authors I have never heard of, clothes that aren't my size or brands I know.  She persists in buying things I liked when I was 12 and have long since abandoned.  I have nothing against used items, just make it something that I like or need.
I say fine, let Nikki take Kacie with her and I wait at my grandmothers house.  I haven't spoken to my mother since.
Two months later, Brad's mom was diagnosed with cancer.  I thought she might reach out to me then.  But she didn't.
Three years have gone by.  My life is so different now.  And Kacie will be coming for Christmas again.  We aren't sure if mom will come to Christmas.  She is fighting with her brother about property.  Kacie stopped talking to her that year after her visit.  And Nikki is currently putting her foot down about her kids.  But those are all different stories that I will try not to bore you with.


  1. I don't think this is boring at all. It's always interesting how different family dynamics.

    I hesistate to judge (that whole concept of not having been in someone else's shoes), but, as a mother, I can't understand how any mother could not talk to one of her children for three years (even if that's what you want). More than anything though, I can't get over how much more reasonable and adult you are about the situation.

    I am glad you are getting to see your sister and I hope you have a great Christmas. xo

  2. You know, my mom is flighty and irresponsible and I often find myself being the adult in the situation, but at the end of the day, I know she loves me and she's doing the best she can. I'm so sorry you can't say the same about yours. I have another good friend whose mom is an even bigger bag of crazy. We have dubbed her "Voldemom" (after Lord Voldemort, the villian from Harry Potter). Until I met her, and then you, I thought moms like that only existed in movies. I hate that you have to live it. But, I can also see the strength it's given you. Not to mention that you should be extra proud of the things you have accomplished and the fact that you've turned out fairly well adjusted in spite of it all! And I'm glad you get to spend Christmas with your sister!!

  3. Good for you for being there for your sister. My mom is a nut case too.

    My mother allowed a man to abuse me for 2 years of my childhood then had 2 children with him. I forgave her.

    My oldest son was born at 30 weeks due to pre-eclampsia and she proclaimed to the world that it was because I was addicted to drugs. (I've never touched a drug in my life.)I forgave her.

    She failed to show up for my youngest son's 3rd birthday party after she told him she would be there. I watched my 3 year old cry on the floor until 10:00 at night because his "mamaw was coming to his party." I did not forgive her. Mess with me. But don't mess with my kids. Now I'm the nut bag.

    She talks about me to everyone that will listen. It ticks me off but I know what I'm doing is right. What you are doing is right. You have to protect your family. I can't speak for your mom but I know with mine out of my life... no more drama.

    Enjoy your sister.

  4. You have such an unique perspective and are able to look at it from different views. I think you are so good at accepting that you didn't have a great mother, but are a great adult yourself. You don't use it as an excuse to be a moron. {I mean that as a compliment!!}

  5. The 'other friend' Audreya is referring to is me. My mother is certifiably insane. I finally had enough of her a little over a year ago, and cut her off completely. Then, I started doing research to find out what is wrong with her..I found out that she is what is referred to as a malignant narcissist, with psychotic tendencies. The last year has been a recovery process, however, I don't think you ever truly heal from having your own mother treat you that way.

    You sound like you've done what I did - taken all the horrible things she did, and taught yourself to be exactly the opposite. I never want to make another person feel the way I've seen my mother make people feel..especially my son, I'd die if he ever looked at me the way I spent 25 years looking at her.

    So, in short, I completely understand what you've been through..and I'm glad your sister has you to be there for her.